


(Occasional) Evil Geniuses and their (Often) Lethal Loves

by violentcheese



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond - Fandom, Skyfall - Fandom
Genre: 00Q love story told in random snippets, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, How Do I Tag, Idiots in Love, M/M, OOQ - Freeform, Q Branch Minions - Freeform, Slice of Life, Snippets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 17:02:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4187811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentcheese/pseuds/violentcheese
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>00Q told through random snippets. Vaguely chronological, mostly fluffy. Plot bunnies told in one go. </p>
<p>Adorable Q, suave James Bond, whipped Minions and how they all come together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Occasional) Evil Geniuses and their (Often) Lethal Loves

Q was muttering to himself again, James noted with a sigh. He seemed to have a tendency to do that when he forgot that he had company. Q-branch mostly left him to it, only reminding him that evil monologues were not conductive to his continued employment at MI6 when they grew too sinister.

( _"Sir?" braved one minion. L,_ Q thought absently. _Her name is L. He hummed absently, acknowledging her even as he continued to mutter menacingly._ _"Thread count isn't what they promised? I'll give you bloody thread coun- Bloody hell, not Anonymous again! Annoying. Bye bye, social media accounts!" This last statement was a particular favourite of Q's. Anonymous tried hacking in at least once a fortnight. Q took vindictive pleasure in destroying the ones who made the attempt. This time, Q even cackled a little to himself, prompting L to try again._  
_"Sir!" she snapped, eyes wide. "Tanner will hear you, sir. You remember the last time.." her voice trailed away as Q froze. The last time, indeed.  
"Yes, L," he sighed with the air of a beaten down man. "Thank you. Your diligence, as usual, is much appreciated. Still going to fucking ruin them..")_

___Things between 007 and his Quartermaster were.. Undefined. They were both aware of each others' feelings towards one another, yet crisis after crisis, mission after mission, left them so-far-unable to act upon those feelings. Frankly, James was getting sick of it. Bond snuck glancing touches to Q's person whenever he could- those slim hips, his fragile wrists. Once, pale lips brushing against much pinker ones- and following up on very pink cheeks. That didn't mean they never riled the other up, however._ _ _

___More often than not, 007 was left almost shamefaced (almost, because Bond had long ago lost all sense of shame) when Q raised that one perfect eyebrow, asking, "And where is the rest of my equipment today, 007? Down a well? Stuck in the loo of some fancy private jet? In several pieces in some unlucky foreign supermarket's fridges? Well?" And Bond would always have a sublime answer for his Quartermaster, each a subtle apology if one knew how to read them right. "Chucked it at the 'baddie's' head," he had shrugged once, smirking as Q blushed at James' teasing of Q's persistent use of the designation 'baddie' for any hostiles. "Disassembled it and made it into a pipe bomb," was another memorable occasion, leaving Q looking faintly impressed. Sometimes, when the injuries were too great, and Medical had managed to get their hands on Bond for once, all Q would get was a soft sigh, a nod and a rueful smile. Those were Q's favourites._ _ _

___The minions were sickened. James delighted in their torture, a satisfied grin stealing over his face with every soft groan at his and Q's flirtations. It was amazing, because Q _actually flirted back. A tacky tourist gift here, a computer chip there. Q's affections weren't that hard to earn, in the end. All it had taken was Bond to realise that maybe, just maybe, Q was more than his age. (Which he never failed to tease Q for. Honestly, he was as adorable as a five year old in the mornings! Making the mistake of actually admitting that to a sleepy Q one morning had resulted in Bond's coffeemaker going up in a puff of vindictive smoke, Q's gleeful cheer mocking James from somewhere under the duvet that Q had stolen to keep himself warm. Bond heaved a heavy sigh- a regular occurrence around Q- and went to buy a new one. Alone. Served Q right.)__ _ _

____If asked, Q would vehemently deny that he had fallen victim to 007's aggressive, _never bloody well ending charm. Bond would, of course, grin widely and sling an arm about Q's waist, loudly declaring himself "Irresistible, really, it's a wonder our darling Quartermaster held out so long!".__ _ _ _

_____Unfortunately, in the often harrowing world of espionage, not everything was softened 00-agents and sleepy Quartermasters engineering explosions in their pajamas.  
Often, it was a "take a left, Bond, a left dammit! Mercy's sake, 007 that bloody idiot Moore is standing around the corner with a-", followed by a quiet _beep beep beep as the comms were shut off. Frantic typing ensued, Q doing everything he could to find 007, James, aid him in another of his miraculous resurrections.__ _ _ _ _

______Twice, it was harsh breathing, stifled groans and the sound of fists impacting on flesh playing down the line as Bond dashed about after his kidnapped partner. Their roles reversed, Bond was the one in Q's hidden earpiece, promising "I'm coming, Q, we've found your location, hold on for me. Can't let you go without seeing the fabulous explosion I rigged in Ouagadougou/Prague earlier, eh?" Because Bond had been away on a mission, hadn't slept in the past 64/35 hours but Christ, he couldn't leave someone else to find Q. Wouldn't. Would never._ _ _ _ _ _

______Once, over the sound of gunfire and what Q knew to be a grenade, it was a raspy "Marry me, Q," echoing around the suddenly-silent Q-branch. Too loud, much too loud, minions holding their breath even as Bond could be heard knifing someone, landing heavily onto a tinny sounding roof. It was the quiet "Q, love?" that knocked sense back into the young Quartermaster, a quick grin flashing at the corner of his mouth._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Only if you bring home my equipment. All of it. I'll be generous, it doesn't even have to be in one piece, James." Only once had he called him James over the comms before, and that had been when Q was certain of Bond's death._ _ _ _ _ _

( _"No, no, no, James, you don't get to do this to me," he had muttered, back a long, tense line, shoulders hunched. Eyes flying from screen to screen, fingers flashing much too fast. "You promised me you'd fix the fireplace for Christmas. Come on, James, breathe for me. You wouldn't leave me to freeze for Christmas, would you?" His hands were shaking, his voice calm if reedy, as he begged 007 not to give up, to bloody well breathe so he could come home. Ragged gasps finally reached Q-branch's speakers, shallow pants and a soft "Mustn't... Leave you.. To freeze... I supp..ose." )_

_______"Bollocks," James had cursed, smile easily conveyed through his cheery tone, even as another grenade blew up much too close to his agent. "I lost that lovely tranq gun a while back. Brilliant piece of tech, Q, by the way, four men down in one go and not a peep out of them on the way down? Amazing. Don't suppose you'll allow me off the hook?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______"Flatterer. Of course I will. Now please focus on the task at hand, 007. We wouldn't want the minions' favourite agent to come back missing a limb or two. Isn't that right, minions?" James laughed at the hurried chorus of "Yes, Quartermaster!" that answered Q's demand. Some things would never change._ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
